He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
