Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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