508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
