found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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