it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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