it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
