I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
