apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
