Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
