All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize