It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
