so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
