At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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