One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
