My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
