Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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