You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Randomize
