She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
