# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Are we still banned from the library?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
