put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
