but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
