Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
a search helicopter?!
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Let's get the cat blown out
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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