Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
