I wish I could punch you in the face.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
