I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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