Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize