You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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