Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
