There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
