I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
