What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Found the puke drawer
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
