Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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