We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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