i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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