A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
