Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
