ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
