Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
whose parrot is this?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
