I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
