dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Its about making memories worth repressing
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
