don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
