From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
