if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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