i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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