Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
