i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
