my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
