We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I have surprise drugs for everyone
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
