home. puking in laundry basket.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
