we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize