im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
