Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
