she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
