I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
