some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
His hands were made for my vagina.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
