i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
