hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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