I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
