My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
