umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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