I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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