and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
