This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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