If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
