There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
