Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
