Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
my being single is dangerous.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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