I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
