im drinking this country out of the recession.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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