May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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